dis-'man-t&l

For those of you that know, over the last year or so, I've been experiencing incredible pain in my abdominal area and have had no clue as to what it might be; I took myself to the ER last summer for it.

Turns out, I've been diagnosed with IBS, short-term. That's Irritable Bowel Syndrome if you live under a rock: I B S
My first visit to a local doctor in Maryville, and we talked about my bowels. Regardless, he prescribed some medication I'm to take for a month, and if things don't "calm down" or improve, I'm to return for a much less-pleasant visit, I'll keep the details disclosed.

He asked if I was under any stress; I thought and replied, not any more than the next guy. However, my doctor and Mom think that I've been internalizing a lot of the things going on with my dad, recently and in the past, and circumstances surrounding my entire family for that matter. God has dealt me a decent portion of trials, if I can say that without being prideful.

So why is it that I'm internalizing these experiences in my life?
I was talking with Justin the other night and we both mentioned how we couldn't remember the last time we had cried. After thinking about it, we both recalled, but otherwise we were clueless as to what affected us deeply enough and to the point of tears. That is a very common and sad realization among guys. Don't cry. Suck it up. Keep it in. Bottle it up. Yeah, be a man. Just like my dad was. Sucked it up and then started drinking it up. Now he's a divorced, lonely, 50-something who has been through rehab, relapsed and is jobless and broke. Why? Because he was a man. He didn't let his emotions out. And some 40 years later he's a wreck. I can't even imagine the internal damage he's caused himself. Although I don't completely see it as his fault either. He apparently did not have a community that would accept the expression of his emotions.

Grieving cleanses the soul. It purges darkness, bitterness, and sorrow from our very hearts. Much like laughing is an overflow of joy, so crying is an overflow of sorrow. Imagine if the world told you, You're not a man if you laugh. Suck it up and stop laughing. Then why is it so different with crying?

Jesus wept. The shortest line in the bible, and one of the most powerful in my opinion. If the Resurrection and the Life, the Lord of Lords, the Rock, the Alpha and Omega, the Lion of the Tribe of Judah, the Almighty, Everlasting Father cried, showing an outpour of emotion, then why are we ashamed to mimic Him?

Pride. It's that simple, and that harsh. What a humbling experience for God to place Himself in a situation where He would cry. And we're to do the same when we're found in those situations.

There's a song called The Salesman, the Husband, the Lover by Receiving End of Sirens. There's a line stating, "the sons fight the father's war". There are trials in this broken world and we either let God carry us through them, tearstained; or we stuff it inside and unintentionally force it upon the ones we love.

What are you running from?